Can my kids refuse to see their dad?
Asked by: Clair Ziemann | Last update: January 31, 2026Score: 4.9/5 (10 votes)
Kids can't legally refuse visitation before age 18 if there's a court order, but older children (especially 12+) have their wishes considered by judges, though not always followed; the parent with custody must usually comply with court orders unless there's a safety concern, requiring communication with the other parent and potentially family counseling or legal advice to address the underlying reasons for refusal, which can range from genuine safety issues to simple preference, notes Varghese Summersett.
What to do when kids don't want to see their dad?
It's important not to dismiss your child when they don't want to see their other parent. Have a conversation and listen to their reasons to validate what they're feeling. Sometimes, a child wants to feel heard. By listening, you could improve their outlook on shared parenting time.
Do I have to force my child to see their dad?
It is not possible to force a parent to have contact with their child. If there's a court order in place and a parent is not taking up the contact granted to them, it's unlikely that the court will force a parent to have contact.
What is the biggest mistake in custody battle?
The biggest mistake in a custody battle is losing sight of the child's best interests by letting anger, revenge, or adult conflicts drive decisions, which courts view negatively, but other major errors include badmouthing the other parent, failing to co-parent, poor communication, violating court orders, and excessive social media use, all damaging your case and your child's well-being.
Can a mother refuse to let her father see a child?
No, a mother generally cannot legally stop a father from seeing his child unless there's a proven risk of harm (abuse, neglect, violence, substance abuse), as courts favor both parents' involvement, but she can go to court to establish a formal parenting plan or custody order if there's no existing one, and she must immediately petition the court if she believes the child is unsafe. Without a court order, she risks legal consequences for denying visitation, as the father has legal rights, and denying access can backfire in court, making her seem unfit if she's wrong.
What if Your Child Refuses Visitation With the Other Parent?
Can a mother legally keep her child away from the father?
California generally prohibits parents from withholding visitation unless there is a legitimate reason. Legitimate reasons can mean more than just disliking the other parent. Typically, a court needs to agree to withhold visitation if there is concrete concern that a child is unsafe when with the other parent.
What is the 7 7 7 rule of parenting?
The 7-7-7 rule of parenting offers two main interpretations: a daily connection strategy and a developmental approach, both aiming to build strong bonds, with the daily version involving 7 minutes in the morning, 7 after school/work, and 7 before bed for focused attention, while the developmental rule suggests phases of playing (0-7), teaching (7-14), and guiding (14-21), emphasizing intentional presence and age-appropriate involvement to raise confident children.
What is the 9 minute rule in parenting?
The "9-Minute Rule" or "9-Minute Theory" in parenting suggests dedicating focused, distraction-free time during three key 3-minute windows daily: right after waking, right after school/daycare, and right before bed, to build strong parent-child bonds, reduce parental guilt, and foster a child's sense of security and connection, though experts emphasize quality presence and adapting the timing to fit family schedules, as more than 9 minutes is always beneficial.
Who wins most child custody cases?
Courts decide custody based on the "best interest of the child," not gender, but historically mothers often receive custody due to factors like being the primary caregiver, though statistics show fathers win custody more often when they actively seek it, especially in shared custody states; the parent offering more stability, better availability, and a consistent routine usually has the advantage, with the child's preference also mattering as they get older.
What is the 10-10-10 rule for divorce?
The "10/10 Rule" in military divorce determines if a former spouse receives direct payments from the military pension, requiring at least 10 years of marriage that overlap with 10 years of the service member's creditable military service. If this rule is met, the Defense Finance and Accounting Service (DFAS) sends the court-ordered portion directly to the ex-spouse; if not, the service member pays the ex-spouse directly, though the court can still award a share of the pension. This rule affects how payments are made, not the eligibility for pension division itself, which is decided by state law.
What can I do if the mother won't let me see my child?
If the mother won't let you see your child, you need to establish legal rights by filing for custody/visitation if you don't have an order, or enforce existing orders through the court by filing a motion to enforce, contempt action, or seeking modification, while documenting everything and potentially involving law enforcement for immediate issues, as legal action is necessary since informal agreements often fail.
How much is too much communication with an ex with kids?
Too much communication with an ex when you have kids means crossing the line from essential co-parenting (scheduling, health, logistics) into emotional interference, personal gossip, or frequent contact that creates tension, often indicated by multiple daily texts, arguments, or discussing non-child-related topics. The goal for healthy co-parenting is strictly necessary, concise communication focused on the kids' present/future needs, using tools like apps, while setting firm boundaries to prevent unnecessary intrusion or conflict, especially if the relationship was toxic.
Do I have to let my kids' dad see them?
Child custody is made up of legal custody and physical custody. Both can be sole to one parent, or joint to both parents. Visitation orders can be: with a schedule, reasonable (open-ended), supervised, or no visitation. Either parent can ask for a court order to get, or change, custody and visitation orders.
What happens if my child doesn't want to see his father?
If your child doesn't want to visit their father, validate their feelings, communicate openly to understand the "why," encourage but don't force, and involve professionals like therapists or attorneys if issues persist or involve safety concerns, as courts generally expect visitations unless there's abuse, but mediation or court modification might be needed. Your role is to facilitate understanding, not necessarily force compliance unless safety is at risk, while keeping legal obligations in mind.
What does low contact with a parent look like?
Low contact with parents involves intentionally reducing interaction frequency/depth for mental health, exemplified by shorter visits, delayed texts/calls, sticking to holidays, avoiding personal topics (like feelings or achievements), and using "grey rocking" (acting boring) to create distance while maintaining a minimal connection, often to protect yourself from toxicity or emotional harm.
What is depleted dad syndrome?
Depleted Dad Syndrome describes the chronic physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion fathers experience from parenting demands, leading to irritability, fatigue, feeling overwhelmed, emotional detachment, and a sense of inadequacy, often stemming from work-life imbalance, societal pressure, and lack of support, and is essentially a form of parental burnout. Symptoms include low patience, feeling checked out, difficulty concentrating, sleep issues, resentment towards parenting, and neglecting personal health, with underlying causes often related to chronic stress and societal expectations for fathers to be both providers and caregivers. Addressing it involves seeking support, improving work-life balance, practicing self-care, and sometimes professional help for underlying depression or anxiety.
What looks bad in a custody battle?
In a custody battle, bad behavior that looks bad to a judge includes parental alienation (badmouthing the other parent to kids), dishonesty, interfering with parenting time, emotional outbursts, making threats, using the child as a messenger, and failing to prioritize the child's needs over conflict, as courts focus on the child's best interests, not parental disputes. Actions like substance abuse, criminal issues, or creating instability for the child also severely harm your case.
How many times a week should a dad see his child?
However, there is no set guidelines for reasonable access for father. Each family is unique and reasonable access for fathers depends on the individual circumstances. Some fathers see their children every day, while others might see them just once a month.
How to win 100% custody?
To gain full child custody of a child, you must show the courts that sole custody is in the child's best interests. When making these decisions, the courts evaluate the stability of both parents, their involvement in the child's life, and their ability to provide a safe environment.
What is the 777 rule for parenting?
The 7-7-7 rule of parenting means: Spend 7 minutes every day giving your child undivided attention. Spend 7 hours every week in family activities. Spend 7 days every year fully dedicated to family bonding.
What is the healthiest co-parenting schedule?
Suggested 50/50 Custody Schedules by Age
Young children do best with frequent exchanges, while teenagers can handle longer times apart. Therefore, many experts recommend families with young children start with 2-2-3 and work up to alternating weeks as the children age.
What is depleted mother syndrome?
It's not an official diagnosis, but it is a term that many moms deeply relate to. Depleted mom syndrome refers to the state of long-term emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion that comes from giving everything to everyone else… and leaving nothing for yourself.
Do men have to pay child support if custody is 50/50?
Child Support and Custody Are Separate: Even with 50/50 custody, the higher-earning parent typically pays child support because California law requires both parents to contribute proportionally based on income, not just time spent with the child.
What is reactive parenting?
Reactive parenting can be defined as: Allowing our own emotions in the moment to control the responses and decisions we make in interacting with our children. Our initial reaction is not always the most appropriate or helpful reaction.
What are the 3 C's of discipline?
The "3 Cs of Discipline" vary by context, but commonly refer to Clarity, Consistency, and Consequences for parenting/behavior, focusing on clear rules, steady enforcement, and logical outcomes. Other versions include Connection, Communication, and Capability for building skills, or Cooperation, Conflict Resolution, and Civic Values in educational settings.