Can your 13 year old refuse to go to their dad's house?

Asked by: Prof. Angela Cummerata MD  |  Last update: June 5, 2026
Score: 5/5 (22 votes)

A 13-year-old generally cannot legally force a refusal to go to their dad's house if a court order exists, as the parent must follow the order or risk contempt of court charges, but their strong wishes will be seriously considered by courts, and parents are often advised to encourage visitation while addressing the underlying reasons, as judges weigh maturity and the child's best interests. The child's refusal can trigger legal action, but parents should avoid forcing them and instead seek to modify court orders if issues like abuse, neglect, or significant conflict exist.

Can 13 year olds choose whether they want to go to their dads or not?

It is case-by-case. There is no law stating a specific age. The child can submit their preference, and it may or may not be considered in a final ruling. The circumstances of the case, maturity level of the child, etc are all taken into account.

How old do you have to be to not go to your dad's house?

There is no definitive age when a child can decide to stop visitation, but the courts do tend to look more kindly on older children or teenagers refusing visitation. However, without a change to a custody agreement, a child is legally obligated to follow the visitation schedule.

Can my son refuse to see his Dad?

Can a child refuse to see a parent after the divorce? Generally, no. Regardless of the wants of a child, the court expects parents to co-parent and to facilitate and enforce the court's orders for visitation. A child cannot unilaterally modify the possession schedule in a court order.

What is the 7 7 7 rule in parenting?

The 7-7-7 parenting rule has two main interpretations: a daily connection strategy (7 mins morning, 7 mins after school, 7 mins bedtime) or a developmental approach (play 0-7 years, teach 7-14 years, guide 14-21 years), both aiming to build strong parent-child bonds through intentional, focused time, minimizing distractions for better emotional development.
 

My Teenager Does Not Want To Visit His Father Even Though We Have A Court Order?

35 related questions found

What happens if a child doesn't want to see his father?

If your child doesn't want to visit their father, validate their feelings, communicate openly to understand the "why," encourage but don't force, and involve professionals like therapists or attorneys if issues persist or involve safety concerns, as courts generally expect visitations unless there's abuse, but mediation or court modification might be needed. Your role is to facilitate understanding, not necessarily force compliance unless safety is at risk, while keeping legal obligations in mind. 

What age can a child decide not to go to parents' house?

At age 18 in all of the United States, a child can decide not to visit the other parent without consequence to themselves or the favored parent.

Is it normal for a child to reject a parent?

There are many reasons why a child may reject a parent and resist spending time with them or refuse to. This rejection can be a natural consequence of experiences such as parental conflict before or after separation, family violence, personality factors, or poor parenting.

What is the biggest mistake in custody battle?

The biggest mistake in a custody battle is losing sight of the child's best interests by letting anger and personal feelings drive decisions, which courts heavily penalize, with other major errors including bad-mouthing the other parent, alienating children, failing to co-parent, posting negatively on social media, or ignoring court orders, all of which signal immaturity and undermine your case. Judges focus on stability, safety, and a parent's ability to foster healthy relationships, so actions that harm the child's emotional well-being or disrupt their life are detrimental. 

Can a 13 year old decide where they want to live?

Child Custody & A Child's Preference In California

California law explicitly allows children 14 and older to express a preference in court under California Family Code § 3042. However, like in Colorado, their preference does not dictate the outcome.

What to do when your kid doesn't want to go to dad's house?

What To Do When Your Kid Doesn't Want To Go To Dad's House 😢

  1. Does your child agree to do everything that you ask or tell them to do?
  2. So what you want to do is to respond with empathy, and validate how they're feeling.
  3. And then gently provide them with supportive guidance to move forward.
  4. Because transitions are hard.

What is depleted dad syndrome?

Depleted Dad Syndrome describes the physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion fathers face from parenting demands, characterized by fatigue, irritability, detachment, and feeling overwhelmed or inadequate, stemming from work-life imbalance, societal pressures, and lack of support, essentially a form of parental burnout that affects a dad's ability to cope and connect, impacting their sense of self and well-being.
 

What does low contact with a parent look like?

Low contact with parents involves intentionally reducing interaction frequency/depth for mental health, exemplified by shorter visits, delayed texts/calls, sticking to holidays, avoiding personal topics (like feelings or achievements), and using "grey rocking" (acting boring) to create distance while maintaining a minimal connection, often to protect yourself from toxicity or emotional harm.
 

What not to do in a child custody case?

Bad Co-Parenting Hurts Your Custody Case

  • Profanity, insults.
  • Derogatory nicknames.
  • Venting or criticizing.
  • Badmouthing other parent to kids.
  • Interfering with the other parent's parenting time.
  • Inflexibility.
  • Calling/threatening to call police/DHS.
  • Recording or photographing children for evidence.

At what age can a child say they don't want to see their parents?

Court Discretion: There is no set age where a child's wishes will be upheld. The Court ultimately decides based on what is considered in the best interests of the child.

Does my 13 year old have to see her dad?

However, family law courts typically hold parents responsible for following the court's custody order. It is important to note that in most family courts, until your child is 18, they do not get to decide with which parent they live or how often they see each parent.

What is the 7 7 7 rule for parenting?

The 7-7-7 parenting rule has two main interpretations: a daily connection strategy (7 mins morning, 7 mins after school, 7 mins bedtime) or a developmental approach (play 0-7 years, teach 7-14 years, guide 14-21 years), both aiming to build strong parent-child bonds through intentional, focused time, minimizing distractions for better emotional development.
 

Can I force my child to see his dad?

Most judges will say parents should never tell a child they don't have to visit. On the other hand, most judges will not expect a parent to physically force an older child to visit the other parent. Most judges will expect the custodial parent to make every effort.

What is the 80/20 rule in parenting?

The 80/20 rule in parenting, based on the Pareto Principle, suggests focusing your energy where it yields the most results, meaning 20% of your parenting efforts create 80% of the positive outcomes, while 80% of typical struggles come from 20% of challenging moments or behaviors; it translates to prioritizing quality connection, addressing only essential rules (80% rule-following, 20% bending), and sometimes means 80% independent play for 20% focused attention, helping parents find balance and reduce overwhelm. 

What are examples of co parent harassment?

Co-parent harassment includes verbal abuse, excessive contact, and undermining the other parent, often involving insults, threats, constant calls/texts, badmouthing the ex to the kids, parental alienation, or interfering with parenting time/decisions, and it can range from subtle (late pickups, ignored messages) to overt (stalking, false reports). Key examples are name-calling, spreading rumors, using children as messengers, refusing communication, and making unilateral decisions about the child, all designed to control or distress the other parent.