How to coparent with BPD ex?
Asked by: Ike Dickens | Last update: January 1, 2026Score: 4.2/5 (21 votes)
Setting limits with a BPD is an art form because even reasonable boundaries can become a trigger for unstable, combative moods. So how do you maintain your boundaries with your co-parent in the least threatening way possible? Empathize, listen, and acknowledge how they feel. BPDs, like all of us, want to feel heard.
How to co-parent with a BPD?
Work on your listening skills. Speak honestly with them. Don't talk about them with everyone in the family except them. Educate yourself. Understanding behavior associated with BPD is helpful for you both. Don't start lecturing them...for the most part, they are certainly aware of what they are doing.
Is BPD inherited from mother or father?
In sum, genetic and environmental vulnerabilities put children of mothers with BPD at risk for BPD and related psychopathology. One environmental context that may confer risk is parenting. Mothers with BPD may encounter unique parenting challenges, especially in light of the lack of efficacy they feel as parents.
How to deal with a father with borderline personality disorder?
- Establishing Boundaries and Self-Care. ...
- Communication Techniques for Difficult Conversations. ...
- Seeking Professional Help and Support. ...
- Recognizing and Coping with Emotional Manipulation.
How to detach from someone with borderline personality disorder?
Keep in mind that individuals with BPD experience heightened emotional pain around perceived abandonment and the idea of being alone. Starting out with compassion, a gentle approach to language, and avoiding blame and defensiveness will help with detachment and saying no.
Tips for co-parenting with BPD ex
What are BPD eyes?
Dissociation and Emotional Dysregulation in BPD
This might manifest as a "glazed-over" or "empty" look in their eyes, hence the term "empty eyes." This phenomenon is also associated with depersonalization or derealization, where individuals feel detached from themselves or their surroundings.
What is the last stage of BPD?
BPD Recovery Stage 6: Acceptance
It now appears as the answer to their problems and represents a way for them to go through their healing process and become a whole new better version of themselves.
Can BPD affect child custody?
So, yes, mental illness can be used in child custody cases. And, yes, a parent can lose custody due to mental illness. But for the majority of parents in family law cases, their mental health does not significantly affect their right to have custody of their child.
What does BPD look like in males?
The researchers found that men with BPD were characterized by explosive temperaments as well as high levels of novelty seeking and harm avoidance whereas women with BPD were characterized by high levels of harm avoidance but not novelty seeking.
Can a man with BPD be a good father?
People with borderline personality disorder can be very effective and nurturing parents, but because the symptoms of BPD can be very intense, for many people this does take some work.
What does high functioning BPD look like?
People with high-functioning BPD experience frequent negative thoughts, fear of rejection, and regret about expressing their feelings. People living with quiet BPD may oscillate between clinging to people around them in need of validation and pushing them away to avoid criticism.
What are the 4 types of borderline mothers?
Christine Lawson describes four subtypes of mothers with BPD: the Waif (helpless), the Hermit (fearful/avoidant), the Queen (controlling), and the Witch (sadistic).
What is the BPD stare?
One of the lesser-known symptoms of BPD is the "stare," a piercing and intense gaze that can be unsettling for others. While the stare is not a diagnostic criterion for BPD, it is often reported by people with BPD and can be a sign of emotional dysregulation.
How do I protect my child from parent with BPD?
Having a parent with BPD can undoubtedly pose unique challenges for a child. However, you can protect and empower your child by ensuring emotional stability, fostering open communication, seeking professional support, and teaching emotional skills.
Are people with BPD co dependent?
Individuals with BPD are particularly vulnerable to codependency, as they need consistent validation from others. “They may struggle to form and maintain healthy relationships due to their fear of abandonment,” he added.
What happens to borderlines as they age?
Mood swings, anger and impulsiveness often get better with age. But the main issues of self-image and fear of being abandoned, as well as relationship issues, go on. If you have borderline personality disorder, know that many people with this condition get better with treatment.
What is commonly mistaken for BPD?
Patients with borderline personality disorder, regardless of how they meet criteria, may be at increased risk of being misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder.
What are men with BPD attracted to?
One of the main reasons why people with BPD are attracted to narcissists is because of the relationship dynamic that develops between them. Narcissists tend to be charming, confident, and charismatic, which can be very alluring to someone with BPD.
Will I lose my child if I have BPD?
Those whose personality disorder falls within Cluster B, such as those with borderline personality disorder (BPD), are at serious risk of losing their children in care proceedings.
What kind of parents do borderlines have?
The parents of individuals with BPD have been described by offspring as negative;6 uncaring and over-controlling;7,8,9 unempathetic;10 conflictual;11 invalidating and critical;12 aversive, less nurturing, and less affectionate;13 emotionally withholding;14 over-protective;15,16 over-involved as well as under-involved; ...
What is parental alienation in borderline personality disorder?
Parental alienation occurs when a BPD parent infuses his or her own negative beliefs into the child. BPD parents have lack of insight and are largely unaware of their own behavior and how that behavior is affecting the child and the other parent.
What age does BPD peak?
Several investigations suggested that generally BPD symptoms have their onset in adolescence, reach a peak in early adulthood, and then decline during the course of life (83, 93).
Is cheating common with BPD?
There is a myth out there that those with BPD engage in affairs more often than others. However, there is no concrete evidence supporting this claim. Research has yet to find a connection between BPD and infidelity.
What is the best job for someone with borderline personality disorder?
Many people with BPD thrive in creative roles which allow them to continually work on new projects. Jobs that involve creativity also promote a sense of focus and mindfulness, which you may find helpful.