How to deal with a vindictive coparent?

Asked by: Armani Frami Jr.  |  Last update: April 5, 2025
Score: 4.4/5 (38 votes)

While a person may turn vindictive for many reasons, many of these behaviors stem from trying to maintain control or “get back” at another parent. Parents dealing with a particularly volatile, unsupportive, or vindictive co-parent should consult a highly experienced legal team to determine their rights and remedies.

What is harassment from a co-parent?

“Harassment by a co-parent can look like repeated phone calls, text messages, or emails, verbal abuse, name calling, threatening and condescending behavior.” ( New Jersey) “Harassment can take a wide range of forms, from abusive language to non-stop calling or texting to outright stalking, threats….” (

How to deal with a combative coparent?

Tools: Don't argue. Arguing keeps you engaged in their drama, which is satisfying to the person stuck in the old drama, but unhealthy for you. Instead, ignore personal attacks. Let their accusations float past you. When they attack your parenting, reframe the blame as a problem and suggest solutions.

How to respond to a hostile co-parent?

When a co-parent comes at you negatively, here are some ways to respond that will diffuse your co-parent's verbal bomb:
  1. Help them exhaust their hostility using active listening words and phrases to get it all out without provoking them. ...
  2. Acknowledge what they are saying. ...
  3. Empathize with them.

How do you deal with a toxic Coparent?

What Can I Do About a Toxic Co-Parent?
  1. Set Boundaries. The first step in dealing with a toxic co-parent is to set boundaries. ...
  2. Focus on the Children. When dealing with a toxic co-parent, your children are the most important consideration. ...
  3. Communicate Effectively. ...
  4. Seek Professional Help. ...
  5. Document Everything.

Why you can't tell your kids how badly your narcissistic coparent treats you

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How do you outsmart a narcissist Coparent?

Here 5 Co-Parenting Tips To Disarm The Narcissist Parent:
  1. Don't Sink To Their Level, Stay Outside Of The Perceived Conflict. ...
  2. Don't Feed Their Ego, Stay Children Centered. ...
  3. Don't Take Responsibility For Their Emotion, Stay Grounded In Values. ...
  4. Don't Use Ultimatums, Stay Calm And Set Boundaries.

How to protect yourself from a vindictive ex?

How to Deal with Your Crazy and Abusive Ex: Top 6 Easy & Useful Tips
  1. No Contact with Your Crazy Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend.
  2. Ignore All the Text, Phone Calls & Emails from a Crazy Ex.
  3. Install Home Security Cameras to Protect Yourself Against Crazy Ex.
  4. Seek Help form Your Friends.
  5. Call the Police.
  6. Get a Restraining Order.

What is the malicious parent syndrome?

The syndrome's definition encompases four major criteria: (1) mother who unjustifiably punishes her divorcing or divorced husband by attempting to alienate children from the father, involving others in malicious actions against the father, or engaging in excessive litigation; (2) mother who specifically attempts to ...

What is inappropriate co-parenting?

Inappropriate co-parenting is when a parent works against the other or is unsupportive of the other's relationship with their children. Recognizing the signs of inappropriate co-parenting could help you put a stop to it before it affects your children.

How do you deal with a passive aggressive Coparent?

5 Strategies for Dealing with Your Passive-Aggressive Ex
  1. Remain calm. Losing your cool will just make your ex feel that she's “won” and is likely to invite more covert aggression. ...
  2. Focus on the positive. ...
  3. Model appropriate behavior to your kids. ...
  4. Set limits. ...
  5. Stick to facts.

What is co-parenting alienation?

Parental alienation is a strategy whereby one parent intentionally displays to the child unjustified negativity aimed at the other parent. The purpose of this strategy is to damage the child's relationship with the other parent and to turn the child's emotions against that other parent.

How to handle an uncooperative co-parent?

How Do I Deal with an Uncooperative Co-Parent?
  1. Establish Boundaries as Soon as Possible. If you haven't done so already, establish boundaries with your child's other parent. ...
  2. Communicate Only When & What's Necessary. ...
  3. Talk to Your Children in an Age-Appropriate Manner. ...
  4. Accept That You Can't Change Someone Else's Behavior.

What not to do when co-parenting?

Do not discuss child support issues in front of the children, regardless of a child's age. Do not ask your child to pass messages to the other parent, even if they are the eldest, or an adult. Do not introduce a new partner or discuss a possible plan to move with the children without first informing the other parent.

How to prove bad co-parenting?

A: Useful evidence to prove parental alienation includes:
  1. Negative social media posts by your co-parent.
  2. Testimony from a professional, like a therapist or counselor, about changes in your child's behavior.
  3. Witnesses to your co-parent's fabrications or negative talk about you to your child.

What counts as harassment from an ex?

Examples of harassing behavior from an ex-spouse

The legal framework identifies several forms of harassment: Persistent communication: Unwanted and repeated calls, messages, emails, or social media contacts that create a significant disturbance or fear.

What is parenting coercion?

The coercive process occurs when a parent makes a disciplinary attempt but then gives up on that agendum in the face of child misbehavior, thereby negatively reinforcing that misbehavior (Patterson, 2002).

How to deal with a toxic co-parent?

4 Ways To Deal With A Toxic Co-Parent
  1. Communicate strategically. Responding defensively to your co-parent's hostile emails and texts will just inflame drama. ...
  2. Practice radical acceptance. ...
  3. Set boundaries. ...
  4. Be a self-care junkie.

What not to say in a custody battle?

It is generally advisable that one refrains from talking negatively about the co-parent or opposition in the custody battle. One should generally avoid bringing up petty arguments, complaints, or rants about previous behavior that the co-parent demonstrated.

How often should a co-parent call their child?

Unless there is a specific need, parents should not initiate a call or text to their children more than one time a day while they are in the other parent's custody. It is understandable to miss the child, but co-parenting requires respect for the child's time with the other parent.

Can you sue a co-parent for emotional distress?

Yes, if a family member's actions have caused you emotional distress in a manner that has significantly impacted your life, you may be able to sue them for the emotional distress you are suffering or have suffered.

What is depleted mother syndrome?

Mom burnout sometimes called depleted mother syndrome, is the feeling of mental, emotional, and physical exhaustion, depersonalization, and lack of fulfillment caused by intense child care demands. Burnout is the result of too much stress and a lack of resources for coping with it.

How to deal with a spiteful ex?

It can be hard to know the best way to deal with your vindictive ex, but in the end it's pretty simple.
  1. The Best Reaction is No Reaction. ...
  2. Reduce Direct Interaction. ...
  3. Record Interactions. ...
  4. Set Boundaries.

How do you deal with a vindictive partner?

Coping with vindictiveness in your relationship
  1. Set boundaries.
  2. Vocalize your terms or boundaries.
  3. Don't second-guess yourself.
  4. Try not to internalize.
  5. Shelter from their anger.
  6. Develop a safety plan.
  7. Consider asking for help.
  8. Suggest they seek help.

Why would an ex be vindictive?

Spiteful exes might resent the other party for filing for divorce or wanting to leave the marriage. They might resent having to play an active role in the lives of shared children now that the household is split up. They might also resent their own actions or what led to the divorce, such as infidelity.