What are the red flags for divorce?
Asked by: Kyla Farrell Jr. | Last update: January 31, 2026Score: 4.8/5 (39 votes)
Red flags for divorce often involve consistent poor communication, lack of intimacy, financial secrecy or irresponsibility, substance abuse, unresolved anger, emotional or physical abuse, and a significant divergence in life goals or values, especially when one partner refuses to work on the relationship. Other signs include feeling relief at the thought of being alone, obsession with an ex, or growing emotional distance where you prefer being elsewhere.
How long does it take the average person to get over a divorce?
There's no set timeline, but healing from divorce often takes 18 months to several years, with some experts suggesting roughly one month of recovery for each year of marriage, while others point to peaks in grief around 9-12 months and significant shifts towards hope around the two-year mark, but healing is highly individual, influenced by marriage length, children, and personal factors.
What is the 10 10 10 rule for divorce?
The "10/10 Rule" in military divorce determines if a former spouse receives direct payments from the military pension, requiring at least 10 years of marriage that overlap with 10 years of the service member's creditable military service. If this rule is met, the Defense Finance and Accounting Service (DFAS) sends the court-ordered portion directly to the ex-spouse; if not, the service member pays the ex-spouse directly, though the court can still award a share of the pension. This rule affects how payments are made, not the eligibility for pension division itself, which is decided by state law.
Am I responsible for my spouse's credit card debt in divorce?
Generally, debts solely in one spouse's name remain their responsibility unless the other spouse co-signed or is legally liable. Community property states may split debts acquired during marriage equally. It's important to review credit card statements, loan documents, and divorce agreements carefully.
What are the 4 warning signs of divorce?
The four key signs of divorce, known as Dr. Gottman's "Four Horsemen," are Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling, which signal destructive communication patterns like personal attacks, disdain, playing the victim, and shutting down emotionally during conflict, eroding respect and connection in a relationship. Recognizing these patterns is the first step to implementing antidotes like using "I feel" statements and taking breaks when overwhelmed to rebuild healthier communication.
Top 5 Overlooked Dating Red Flags
What is the #1 predictor of divorce?
The biggest predictor of divorce, according to relationship research by Dr. John Gottman, is contempt, which involves treating your partner with disrespect, mockery, or superiority (eye-rolling, name-calling). Other key predictors, known as the "Four Horsemen," include criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling (withdrawing), with contempt being the most destructive as it signals a complete lack of respect and invalidates the partner. Decreased emotional responsiveness and affection, especially in the early years, also significantly predict marital failure.
What not to do during separation?
When separated, you should not rush big decisions, badmouth your spouse (especially to kids or on social media), involve children in the conflict, move out of the family home without cause, make financial promises without legal advice, or let emotions dictate impulsive actions like excessive spending or dating too soon, focusing instead on maintaining civility and protecting finances and children.
What is the biggest mistake during a divorce?
The biggest mistake during a divorce often involves letting emotions drive decisions, leading to poor financial choices, using children as weapons, failing to plan for the future, or getting bogged down in petty fights that escalate costs and conflict, ultimately hurting all parties involved, especially the kids. Key errors include not getting legal/financial advice, fighting over small assets, exaggerating claims, and neglecting your own well-being.
What money can't be touched in a divorce?
Money that can't be touched in a divorce is typically separate property, including assets owned before marriage, inheritances, and gifts, but it must be kept separate from marital funds to avoid becoming divisible; commingling (mixing) these funds with joint accounts, or using inheritance to pay marital debt, can make them vulnerable to division. Prenuptial agreements or clear documentation are key to protecting these untouchable assets, as courts generally divide marital property acquired during the marriage.
How common is a 70/30 split?
Less common is an 80/20 asset split divorce. In the UK at least, receiving an asset split of over 60/40 is very rare. You may have heard stories about a spouse receiving a 70/30 asset split and therefore assume that this is common, however, it's highly likely that this was a myth.
Why is moving out the biggest mistake in a divorce?
Moving out during a divorce is often called a mistake because it can harm your financial standing (paying two households), weaken your position in child custody (appearing less involved), and complicate asset division by creating an "abandonment" perception, making courts favor the spouse who stayed, though it's not always a mistake, especially in cases of domestic violence where safety is paramount. Staying in the home, even in separate rooms, preserves the status quo, keeps you present for kids, and maintains your connection to the property until formal agreements are made.
Can my wife get half my social security in a divorce?
Yes, an ex-wife can get up to half (50%) of her ex-husband's Social Security benefit if they were married for at least 10 years, she's unmarried and at least 62, and her own benefit is less than what she'd get from his record, with payments not affecting his or current spouse's benefits. She receives the higher of her own benefit or the spousal benefit, up to 50% of the ex's full retirement amount, and if he dies, she could get 100% (a survivor benefit).
How to not split money in a divorce?
Consider a prenup (or a postnup):
While divorce settlements typically divide assets acquired during a marriage (with some exceptions), a signed contract can help you keep what's yours.
What is the hardest stage of divorce for a man?
Depression is a stage that most divorced men go through. Men who are going through this stage may feel lonely and hopeless. This can be an extremely difficult time as they deal with feelings of inadequacy, powerlessness, hopelessness, and worthlessness.
What is the average age of divorce?
The average age for couples going through their first divorce is 30 years old. 24. 60 percent of all divorces involve individuals aged 25 to 39.
What not to say to someone getting divorced?
“I am so sorry.”
This common sentiment doesn't always land well. Saying you're sorry “communicates pity,” Hipps says. “It assumes it's tragic—when they might be like, 'You know what, this is the healthiest thing I could do to create safety or a better future for me and my family. '”
How to avoid getting screwed in a divorce?
To avoid getting "screwed" in a divorce, focus on financial preparedness, legal counsel, and strategic negotiation; gather all financial documents, understand your assets and debts, hire an experienced lawyer or mediator, prioritize protecting your future, don't use children as pawns, and avoid emotional decisions by staying calm and documenting everything in writing. A prenuptial or postnuptial agreement offers the best long-term protection, but if you're already divorcing, professional advice is crucial for a fair outcome.
Is my wife entitled to half my savings?
The default rule is that savings and investments built up during a marriage are subject to a fair distribution between both parties. There are always exceptions, however—and “fair distribution” may not mean a 50-50 split.
What assets are exempt from divorce?
Assets generally not split in a divorce are separate property, including assets owned before marriage, inheritances, personal gifts, and certain personal injury settlements, provided they are kept separate from marital funds (not commingled). However, these can become divisible if mixed with marital assets (like putting inheritance into a joint account) or if marital funds are used to improve them, requiring careful documentation to maintain their protected status.
What not to do before a divorce?
If you are still married to your spouse, refrain from becoming romantically involved with anyone until your divorce is final. Your spouse may use your new relationship against you in the divorce process.
How long is the average relationship after divorce?
How long does the first relationship after divorce usually last? Buckle up for this one: research shows that 93% of people get into a new relationship after divorce, and on average, they lasted for 2 months.
What is the #1 thing that destroys marriages?
While different sources highlight various factors, many experts point to breakdown in communication, leading to contempt, disrespect, and lack of commitment, as the most destructive forces in a marriage, often manifesting as emotional distance, frequent criticism, and a feeling of being unheard or unloved. These issues erode trust and intimacy over time, with infidelity and power imbalances being extreme examples of these underlying problems.
Who should leave the house during a separation?
Because California is a community property state, if the couple bought the house while they were married, they both have an ownership stake in it, and neither can compel the other to leave.
What to do financially before a divorce?
To financially prepare for divorce, gather all financial documents (tax returns, bank statements, deeds, etc.), create a detailed budget for a single-income household, understand your assets and debts, and build a financial cushion while seeking professional advice from a divorce-savvy attorney and financial advisor to protect your future. Key steps include inventorying all finances, establishing separate accounts, understanding tax implications, and updating estate plans.
What is a wife entitled to in a separation?
After separation, a wife's legal rights involve securing financial support (child/spousal), protecting marital assets, establishing child custody, and resolving debts, often through a legal separation agreement or divorce, though rights to inheritance and immigration status can be complex until finalized. Key rights cover custody/support, property division (house, retirement), debt responsibility, and potential immigration protections, but she remains married unless divorced, impacting remarriage and some benefits like military spouse status.