What not to text during a divorce?
Asked by: Connor Keebler | Last update: February 8, 2026Score: 5/5 (51 votes)
During a divorce, avoid texts that are angry, accusatory, sarcastic, or emotional, especially about finances, infidelity, or personal attacks, as anything written can be used in court; instead, keep communication polite, brief, factual, and focused only on necessary co-parenting or logistical matters, assuming everything you send will be seen by a judge. Don't engage in arguments, send threats, or trash-talk your ex to others, as it can severely damage your credibility and case.
What should you not text during a divorce?
Do not send anything impulsively or while feeling emotional. Texts sent in moments of anger or desperation can be taken out of context and used against you in court. Prepare a draft of all communication and carefully review before sending.
What is the 10 10 10 rule for divorce?
The "10/10 Rule" in military divorce determines if a former spouse receives direct payments from the military pension, requiring at least 10 years of marriage that overlap with 10 years of the service member's creditable military service. If this rule is met, the Defense Finance and Accounting Service (DFAS) sends the court-ordered portion directly to the ex-spouse; if not, the service member pays the ex-spouse directly, though the court can still award a share of the pension. This rule affects how payments are made, not the eligibility for pension division itself, which is decided by state law.
What is the biggest mistake during a divorce?
The biggest mistake during a divorce often involves letting emotions drive decisions, leading to poor financial choices, using children as weapons, failing to plan for the future, or getting bogged down in petty fights that escalate costs and conflict, ultimately hurting all parties involved, especially the kids. Key errors include not getting legal/financial advice, fighting over small assets, exaggerating claims, and neglecting your own well-being.
Are text messages enough proof in court?
Yes, text messages absolutely hold up in court and are common digital evidence, but they must be authenticated (proven genuine and unaltered), relevant to the case, and legally obtained, with courts often preferring original data over potentially edited screenshots to ensure accuracy and context. Deleted messages can often be recovered, making evidence tampering difficult, and require proper legal process like warrants for access.
Can your spouse's attorney get your text messages during a divorce?
Do judges look at text messages?
Texts Must Be Authenticated
Judges look for reliability before allowing texts into a case. Witnesses, forensic experts, or detailed records may be used to establish a connection between a message and the defendant. If those links are weak, the defense has a strong chance to prevent the texts from influencing the jury.
Do screenshots of text messages hold up in court?
Yes, screenshots of text messages can be used in court, but they are often challenged because they can be easily edited, so courts prefer the original messages with metadata (date, time, sender) for authentication; to be admissible, you must prove the screenshots are accurate and unaltered, often through testimony or forensic methods, not just by showing the image.
What money can't be touched in a divorce?
Money that can't be touched in a divorce is typically separate property, including assets owned before marriage, inheritances, and gifts, but it must be kept separate from marital funds to avoid becoming divisible; commingling (mixing) these funds with joint accounts, or using inheritance to pay marital debt, can make them vulnerable to division. Prenuptial agreements or clear documentation are key to protecting these untouchable assets, as courts generally divide marital property acquired during the marriage.
What are the 3 C's of divorce?
The "3 Cs of Divorce" generally refer to Communication, Cooperation, and Compromise, principles that help divorcing couples, especially those with children, navigate the process more smoothly by focusing on respectful dialogue, working together for shared goals (like children's welfare), and making concessions for equitable outcomes, reducing conflict and costs. Some variations substitute Custody or Civility for one of the Cs, emphasizing child-focused decisions or maintaining politeness.
What is the 7 7 7 rule for couples?
The 7-7-7 rule for couples is a relationship guideline suggesting they schedule consistent, quality time together: a date night every 7 days, a weekend getaway every 7 weeks, and a longer, romantic vacation every 7 months, designed to maintain connection, prevent drifting apart, and reduce burnout by fostering regular intentionality and fun. While some find the schedule ambitious or costly, experts agree the principle of regular, dedicated connection is vital, encouraging couples to adapt the frequency to fit their lives.
Who loses more financially in a divorce?
Statistically, women generally lose more financially in a divorce, experiencing sharper drops in household income, higher poverty risk, and increased struggles with housing and childcare, often due to historical gender pay gaps and taking on more childcare roles; however, the financially dependent spouse (often the lower-earning partner) bears the biggest burden, regardless of gender, facing challenges rebuilding independence after career breaks, while men also see a significant drop in living standards, but usually recover better.
Why is moving out the biggest mistake in a divorce?
Moving out during a divorce is often called a mistake because it can harm your financial standing (paying two households), weaken your position in child custody (appearing less involved), and complicate asset division by creating an "abandonment" perception, making courts favor the spouse who stayed, though it's not always a mistake, especially in cases of domestic violence where safety is paramount. Staying in the home, even in separate rooms, preserves the status quo, keeps you present for kids, and maintains your connection to the property until formal agreements are made.
Can my wife get half my social security in a divorce?
Yes, an ex-wife can get up to half (50%) of her ex-husband's Social Security benefit if they were married for at least 10 years, she's unmarried and at least 62, and her own benefit is less than what she'd get from his record, with payments not affecting his or current spouse's benefits. She receives the higher of her own benefit or the spousal benefit, up to 50% of the ex's full retirement amount, and if he dies, she could get 100% (a survivor benefit).
What not to do during separation?
When separated, you should not rush big decisions, badmouth your spouse (especially to kids or on social media), involve children in the conflict, move out of the family home without cause, make financial promises without legal advice, or let emotions dictate impulsive actions like excessive spending or dating too soon, focusing instead on maintaining civility and protecting finances and children.
Can I get a copy of my spouse's text messages?
You generally can't get your spouse's text message content without their consent due to privacy laws, but you might see metadata (numbers, dates) if you're the account holder; for content, you'd need a court order (subpoena) via an attorney, especially in legal cases like divorce, or rely on shared cloud backups if applicable, while accessing content without permission can be illegal.
Can a text message count as a written notice?
Yes, a text message can count as written notice, but it's risky and depends heavily on context, authentication, and local laws; courts often accept texts as "writing" if you can prove the sender, that the content is unchanged, and it was received, but it's not ideal, especially if your lease or contract specifies traditional methods like certified mail. Best practice involves getting confirmation (like a read receipt or reply) and following up with a formal email or document to avoid disputes.
What is the #1 divorce cause?
The number one reason for divorce is consistently cited as lack of commitment, often leading to infidelity, growing apart, and frequent conflict/arguing, with financial problems, poor communication, and addiction also being major factors that erode the foundation of a marriage.
What are the three A's that ruin marriages?
6. Eliminate the three A's that ruin marriages. Affairs, Addictions, and excessive Anger are deal-breakers. They are out-of-bounds in a healthy marriage.
What are the four behaviors that cause 90% of all divorces?
The four behaviors that predict divorce with over 90% certainty, known as the "Four Horsemen," are Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling, identified by relationship researcher John Gottman; these toxic communication patterns erode a marriage by destroying trust and connection, with contempt being the most damaging.
What is the biggest mistake in divorce?
The biggest mistake during a divorce often involves letting emotions drive decisions, leading to poor financial choices, using children as weapons, failing to plan for the future, or getting bogged down in petty fights that escalate costs and conflict, ultimately hurting all parties involved, especially the kids. Key errors include not getting legal/financial advice, fighting over small assets, exaggerating claims, and neglecting your own well-being.
What assets are not included in divorce?
Assets generally not split in a divorce are separate property, including assets owned before marriage, inheritances, personal gifts, and certain personal injury settlements, provided they are kept separate from marital funds (not commingled). However, these can become divisible if mixed with marital assets (like putting inheritance into a joint account) or if marital funds are used to improve them, requiring careful documentation to maintain their protected status.
How to not get screwed in a divorce?
To avoid getting "screwed" in a divorce, focus on financial preparedness, legal counsel, and strategic negotiation; gather all financial documents, understand your assets and debts, hire an experienced lawyer or mediator, prioritize protecting your future, don't use children as pawns, and avoid emotional decisions by staying calm and documenting everything in writing. A prenuptial or postnuptial agreement offers the best long-term protection, but if you're already divorcing, professional advice is crucial for a fair outcome.
Do judges care about text messages?
Courts Do Accept Text Messages as Evidence
The key requirement is that the messages are relevant and can be authenticated. That means the party introducing them must show who sent the message and that the content hasn't been changed. That means screenshots aren't always admissible.
How far back can courts get text messages?
Subpoenas can seek messages as far back as they exist, but the availability depends on two things: carrier retention policies and legal relevance. Carriers often only store message content for a few days to months, though metadata may be kept longer.
What cannot be used as evidence in court?
Evidence not admissible in court typically includes illegally obtained evidence (violating the Fourth Amendment), hearsay (out-of-court statements used for their truth), irrelevant or speculative information, privileged communications (like psychotherapist-patient), and confessions obtained through coercion, with rules varying slightly by jurisdiction but generally focusing on reliability, legality, and relevance.