What should you not do after being cheated on?

Asked by: Lonie Rowe  |  Last update: May 2, 2026
Score: 5/5 (40 votes)

After being cheated on, you should not make rash decisions, obsess over the affair partner, blame yourself, make empty threats, or overshare details with everyone; instead, focus on self-care, seeking support from trusted sources (like a therapist), allowing yourself to feel emotions, and avoiding actions that cause more damage or hinder future clarity, such as revenge or quick, irreversible choices.

What not to do after being cheated on?

The 7 Deadly Sins: What Not To Do After an Affair

  1. Tell Your Entire Family & All Your Friends. ...
  2. Blast Your Partner on Social Media. ...
  3. Make Life Altering Decisions. ...
  4. Place All Blame on The Other Affair Partner. ...
  5. Obsess Over the Other Affair Partner. ...
  6. Blame Yourself. ...
  7. Think You Can Recover On Your Own.

How long does it take to heal after being cheated on?

Healing from infidelity varies greatly, but research suggests a general timeline of 18 months to 3 years, with some individuals taking much longer, while therapy can speed up the process; it's a deeply personal journey with no set end date, involving phases of shock, grief, and rebuilding trust, but with potential for recovery through self-care, support, and potentially counseling. 

How to trust again after being cheated on?

In order to build trust again, it will require COMPLETE transparency and absolute honest truth. Answer every question without reserve. Never lie about ANYTHING again. Not even little white lies. Come forth with all of your confessions instead of waiting until you get caught. Tell everything without being prompted to.

What happens to a woman who has been cheated on?

Being cheated on deeply affects women, often causing trauma similar to PTSD, leading to severe anxiety, depression, shattered self-esteem, intense betrayal, and long-lasting trust issues that impact future relationships. It can feel like a profound loss, leading to feelings of worthlessness, anger, and a shattered sense of self, altering brain chemistry and making it hard to form new bonds. Healing involves grieving the loss, rebuilding self-worth, and often requires professional support.
 

A Must-Watch Before Making a Decision to End Your Relationship | Jay Shetty and Esther Perel

37 related questions found

What are the 5 stages after being cheated on?

The five common stages of experiencing infidelity mirror the grief process: Denial (shock, disbelief), Anger (rage, resentment), Bargaining (what-ifs, self-blame), Depression (deep sadness, hopelessness), and Acceptance (coming to terms with reality, healing). These stages aren't linear and can overlap or repeat as individuals process the trauma of betrayal. 

What is the 80/20 rule in infidelity?

The "80/20 rule cheating" concept, popularized by movies like Why Did I Get Married?, suggests people cheat to find the missing 20% of fulfillment they lack, overlooking the 80% good in their primary relationship, often pursuing someone who offers just that specific "missing piece" (e.g., attention, excitement), leading to the temptation to trade substantial happiness for temporary fulfillment, which usually backfires, says Medium. It's a way some rationalize infidelity, focusing on deficits rather than the overall relationship's value, which can be a self-sabotaging pursuit of an illusionary 100%, notes WordPress.com and Medium. 

How do I stop overthinking after being cheated on?

To stop overthinking after being cheated on, focus on self-care and grounding yourself in the present, use techniques like mindfulness, journaling, and exercise, set firm boundaries, lean on trusted support systems (friends, therapy), and remember it's not your fault, while giving yourself time to heal, as healing from infidelity takes time and patience. 

How do you know when to walk away?

If your empathy for them becomes a detriment to your emotional well-being, have some empathy for yourself and know when to walk away.

  1. They are selfish and show very little interest in your life. ...
  2. If they get overly defensive about something that you ask them about.

What is the second wave of anger after cheating?

The "second wave of anger" after cheating often hits later, as the initial shock fades and the reality of betrayal sinks in, bringing intense, unexpected rage, frustration, and anxiety in normal situations, even after deciding to stay and rebuild; it's part of the grief process, often surfacing as memories return, demanding expression, self-care (exercise, therapy), and constructive communication to process the deep hurt and trauma.
 

How long do affairs usually last?

Affairs vary greatly in length, from one-night stands to years, but the average often falls between six months and two years, with the intense "in-love" phase typically lasting 6-18 months before fading due to stress, boredom, or the reality of the situation setting in. While some affairs end quickly, others become long-term or lifelong, though studies suggest less than 2% of relationships formed from affairs last long-term. 

What are the psychological effects of being cheated on?

Infidelity causes grief and relational problems to the individual, the couple and even their offspring. It was found to be associated with depression, anxiety and even PTSD, leading to divorce [42,69,70].

When to walk away after infidelity?

You should consider walking away after infidelity when your partner shows a persistent lack of remorse, refuses accountability, continues contact with the affair partner, minimizes your pain, or won't engage in therapy, especially if the emotional toll damages your mental health or trust is irrevocably broken. Leaving might be best if you feel drained, resentful, or see a pattern of repeated betrayal and your partner isn't willing to do the hard work for true reconciliation, as one person can't save a relationship alone.
 

How to treat a person who cheated on you?

You have to give them time to heal. If you're the victim of cheating in a relationship, take your time to process and feel. Communicate and express your feelings openly. Take some time off to be alone and reflect on your life if needed.

Does the pain of getting cheated on ever go away?

The intense pain from infidelity lessens significantly over time, but the memory often remains as a scar, changing from acute trauma to manageable hurt, with some experiencing post-infidelity stress disorder (PISD) and needing therapy for deep healing and rebuilding trust, though the experience can lead to a stronger relationship if both partners commit to the difficult recovery process.
 

What is the mindset of a cheating man?

The mindset of a cheating man often involves self-centeredness, a deep need for validation or ego boosting, and a sense of entitlement, leading to justifications that deflect blame, such as feeling unappreciated, seeking excitement, or having a savior complex, though underlying psychological issues like narcissism or low self-esteem can also play a role. They often operate in a self-created fantasy, minimizing harm and prioritizing personal gratification over their partner's feelings, sometimes even feeling they deserve the affair or that it's a solution to an unmet need, not a deficit in the relationship. 

What is the 3 6 9 rule in relationships?

The 3-6-9 rule is a relationship guideline suggesting three stages in the first year: the first 3 months are the "honeymoon" phase (infatuation); months 3-6 involve growing conflict as flaws appear; and months 6-9 are the "decision-making" stage where couples face real issues, with successful navigation leading to stability, while also advising to delay major commitments like sex or moving in until at least 3, 6, or 9 months to let love chemicals settle and see the real person.
 

What is the 3 3 3 rule for breakup?

The "3-3-3 Rule" for breakups is a framework for healing: 3 days for intense emotional release (crying, venting), 3 weeks for active reflection (understanding patterns), and 3 months for intentional rebuilding (focusing on self and growth), though it's a guideline, not a strict timeline, and healing varies. It's different from the 3-3-3 dating rule, which helps new relationships by checking in at 3 dates, 3 weeks, and 3 months, and the 3-day rule after arguments, a cooling-off period.
 

What is the 7 7 7 rule in marriage?

The 777 rule for marriage is a relationship strategy to keep romance alive by scheduling consistent quality time: a date every 7 days, a night away every 7 weeks, and a longer holiday every 7 months, ensuring regular reconnection and preventing drifting apart through intentional presence and fun. It's a framework for prioritizing the partnership amidst daily routines, fostering stronger communication, intimacy, and fun.
 

How do you mentally heal from being cheated on?

Another way to improve yourself is to practice self-care, where you do things like getting your hair done, taking a walk, or getting a massage. Again, the types of things you're pouring and investing into yourself can be very beneficial to get you through the low spots and help you begin to heal after being cheated on.

What are the emotional symptoms of guilt after cheating?

After cheating, guilt manifests emotionally through a mix of self-loathing, anxiety, shame, confusion, and deep sadness, often accompanied by behaviors like withdrawal, sudden overcompensation (excessive affection/gifts), irritability, and preoccupation, reflecting internal turmoil and the betrayal of one's own values, potentially mirroring stages of grief.
 

How to forget a person who cheated on you?

Getting over being cheated on involves allowing yourself to grieve, focusing intensely on self-care and self-love, seeking support from trusted people or a therapist, setting firm boundaries (which might mean ending the relationship), and eventually shifting your perspective to rebuild your self-worth and trust, recognizing that the infidelity was not your fault. 

What is the 2 2 2 2 rule in marriage?

The 2-2-2 rule in marriage is a relationship guideline suggesting couples schedule regular, dedicated time together to maintain connection and prevent drifting apart, specifically: a date night every two weeks, a weekend getaway every two months, and a week-long vacation every two years. It provides a framework for consistent connection, communication, and fun, helping couples prioritize their relationship amidst busy lives by breaking routine and creating shared memories, with variations like staycations or at-home fun often suggested.
 

What is infidelity vs cheating?

"Infidelity" is the broad, formal term for breaking trust in a committed relationship, while "cheating" is the common, informal word for the same behaviors, both encompassing secret emotional, sexual, or even financial betrayals beyond agreed boundaries, with the core issue being a breach of loyalty and trust, regardless of the specific label used. The key difference often lies in formality, with infidelity being more clinical or legal (like adultery), while cheating feels more colloquial, but they describe the same damaging acts of unfaithfulness. 

How to tell if someone doesn't love you anymore?

Signs someone no longer loves you often involve emotional and physical distance, decreased communication, lack of future planning, and indifference, showing they stop investing effort, prioritize others, or seem annoyed by your presence. Key indicators include avoiding time together, ignoring texts/calls, showing no interest in intimacy or your feelings, criticizing you, or making major decisions without you, suggesting a significant emotional disconnect.