What to ask for in child custody mediation?

Asked by: Prof. Deshaun Stark DDS  |  Last update: February 18, 2026
Score: 4.5/5 (13 votes)

In child custody mediation, ask for clear agreements on legal/physical custody, a detailed parenting schedule (including holidays/birthdays), methods for communication & dispute resolution, child support, and logistics for school/activities/relocation, always prioritizing the child's best interest for a stable co-parenting future. Be prepared with specific schedules and financial info, focusing on practical solutions rather than emotional arguments.

What questions do they ask in child custody mediation?

How many overnights do you want per week? How much time should the other parent have? Do you live close enough to the other party that switching custody on a weeknight is possible? Is there agreement on where this child is going to school? Where should the exchange location be? How are you going to divide holidays?

What not to say in mediation?

In mediation, you should avoid threats, ultimatums, accusations, and insults, as these derail collaboration; don't lie or exaggerate, as it destroys credibility; and steer clear of rigid demands or focusing on past blame instead of future solutions, to keep the process constructive and focused on finding common ground for a fair resolution. 

What looks bad in a custody battle?

In a custody battle, bad behavior that looks bad to a judge includes parental alienation (badmouthing the other parent to kids), dishonesty, interfering with parenting time, emotional outbursts, making threats, using the child as a messenger, and failing to prioritize the child's needs over conflict, as courts focus on the child's best interests, not parental disputes. Actions like substance abuse, criminal issues, or creating instability for the child also severely harm your case.
 

What is the golden rule of mediation?

The "Golden Rule of Mediation" is to "Treat others as you would like to be treated," emphasizing mutual respect, active listening, empathy, and good faith to shift focus from winning to collaborative problem-solving. It means acknowledging other perspectives, even if disagreeing, to lower emotions, build trust, and find common ground, allowing for fair and constructive agreements rather than punishment. 

How to Prepare for Child Custody Mediation #Mediation

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What are the 4 C's of mediation?

The "4 Cs of Mediation" refer to different frameworks highlighting key benefits, with common versions including Cost-effectiveness, Confidentiality, Control, and Creativity (beneficial for parties) or Candor, Creativity, Courage, and Collaboration/Cooperation (focusing on mediator approach). Essentially, they capture why mediation works: it's cheaper, private, empowering, encourages novel solutions, and fosters open communication for better outcomes than traditional litigation.
 

What is the 70 30 rule in negotiation?

The 70/30 rule in negotiation is a guideline to listen 70% of the time and talk only 30%, focusing on understanding the other party's needs, building rapport, and showing empathy through active listening and open-ended questions, rather than just presenting your own points. By letting the other person talk more, you gather crucial information, build trust, reduce tension, and foster a collaborative environment, leading to more successful outcomes, according to sources like this LinkedIn post and this Ed Brodow article. 

What hurts a child custody case?

Hurting a child custody case involves prioritizing conflict over the child's well-being, such as badmouthing the other parent, using the child as a messenger, failing to cooperate, violating court orders, hiding involvement in the child's life, making unilateral changes, or discussing the case on social media, all of which demonstrate poor co-parenting and emotional immaturity. Courts focus on the child's best interests, so actions that harm the child's relationship with both parents or disrupt stability are severely detrimental.
 

Who wins most child custody cases?

Courts decide custody based on the "best interest of the child," not gender, but historically mothers often receive custody due to factors like being the primary caregiver, though statistics show fathers win custody more often when they actively seek it, especially in shared custody states; the parent offering more stability, better availability, and a consistent routine usually has the advantage, with the child's preference also mattering as they get older. 

What not to say during a custody battle?

During a custody battle, parents should not lie, mislead, fabricate, or exaggerate. Avoid criticizing the other parent and let the judge weigh the facts. Don't make threats or promises.

What is the hardest case to win in court?

The hardest cases to win in court often involve high emotional stakes, like crimes against children or sexual assault, where jurors struggle with bias; complex, voluminous evidence, such as white-collar fraud; and defenses that challenge societal norms, like an insanity plea, which faces high scrutiny and conflicting expert testimony. Cases with weak physical evidence, uncooperative witnesses (like in sex crimes), or those involving unpopular defendants (e.g., child abusers) are particularly challenging for defense attorneys.
 

How to win during mediation?

Five Keys to a Successful Mediation

  1. Attitude adjustment. This is probably the most important thing that you can do to help reach a successful conclusion in the mediation of your dispute. ...
  2. Prepare, prepare, prepare. ...
  3. State your case clearly and keep the emotion out. ...
  4. Be flexible. ...
  5. Be patient.

What color do judges like to see in court?

Judges generally prefer neutral, conservative colors like navy, gray, black, and white, as these convey seriousness, respect, and professionalism, avoiding distractions in a formal court setting; bright colors, bold patterns, and overly casual attire should be avoided to show you're taking the proceedings seriously. While some suggest lighter, muted tones (like light blue) might leave a favorable impression, the key is sobriety and fitting in, not standing out.
 

Who pays for child custody mediation?

Who pays for mediation? Generally, the parents are expected to split the costs of child custody mediation. In counties where mediation is required by law (where the population is more than 100,0001), fees are based on a sliding scale, depending on each parent's ability to pay.

What to say to a judge for child custody?

In custody court, focus on the "best interests of the child" by calmly stating facts, demonstrating your ability to co-parent, highlighting your strong relationship with the children (using specific details), and proposing concrete plans for their future, while avoiding criticism of the other parent, emotional outbursts, or social media drama, as judges prioritize credibility and stable environments. Frame your requests in child-focused language, like "our child's needs," rather than "my rights". 

What is the best evidence for child custody?

The best evidence for a child custody case proves your active involvement, provides a stable environment, and shows the child's best interests are prioritized, using official records (school, medical, police), detailed parenting logs, documented communication, photos/videos, and credible witness testimony (teachers, coaches) to support your consistent care, financial stability, and a secure home life, while documenting any issues with the other parent. 

What is the biggest mistake in a custody battle?

The biggest mistake in a custody battle is losing sight of the child's best interests by letting anger, revenge, or adult conflicts drive decisions, which courts view negatively, but other major errors include badmouthing the other parent, failing to co-parent, poor communication, violating court orders, and excessive social media use, all damaging your case and your child's well-being. 

How many times a week should a dad see his child?

There's no single answer; a dad should see his child as often as is in the child's best interest, which varies, but common arrangements include alternate weekends with mid-week visits, shared 50/50 schedules, or more flexible arrangements depending on the parents' distance, work, and the child's age and preferences. The goal is frequent, meaningful contact, with courts often favoring schedules that allow for quality time and routine, adapting as the child grows. 

Do family court judges see through lies?

Yes, family court judges are trained to spot lies and inconsistencies, and they often see through dishonesty, especially when it's exposed through skilled cross-examination, contradictory evidence, or unbelievable stories, which significantly damages a party's credibility and can sway rulings against them. Judges rely on evidence and credibility, and while minor fibs might be overlooked, major lies about critical issues (like income or abuse) can lead to severe consequences for the dishonest parent, as truthfulness is foundational to the court's integrity. 

What looks bad in family court?

The Single Biggest Mistake: Parental Alienation. Speaking badly about your child's other parent is the worst thing you can do in a custody battle. This behavior is called parental alienation, and courts take it very seriously.

What is the 7 7 7 rule in parenting?

The 7-7-7 rule of parenting offers two main interpretations: a daily connection strategy and a developmental approach, both aiming to build strong bonds, with the daily version involving 7 minutes in the morning, 7 after school/work, and 7 before bed for focused attention, while the developmental rule suggests phases of playing (0-7), teaching (7-14), and guiding (14-21), emphasizing intentional presence and age-appropriate involvement to raise confident children.
 

What are the four behaviors that cause 90% of all divorces?

The four behaviors that predict divorce with over 90% certainty, known as the "Four Horsemen," are Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling, identified by relationship researcher John Gottman; these toxic communication patterns erode a marriage by destroying trust and connection, with contempt being the most damaging. 

What are the 5 C's of negotiation?

The 5 C's of negotiation: Clarity, Communication, Collaboration, Compromise, Commitment. What are the 5 C's of negotiation? The 5 C's of negotiation are often framed as key principles to guide discussions and agreements.

What are the 4 C's of negotiation?

The 4 C negotiation strategy is an approach that aims to create a solid and lasting customer relationship while maximizing the results of a commercial negotiation. This method is based on four essential pillars to conduct an effective negotiation: Contact, Know, Convince, Conclude.

What are the 4 golden rules of negotiation?

These golden rules: Never Sell; Build Trust; Come from a Position of Strength; and Know When to Walk Away should allow you as a seller to avoid negotiating as much as possible and win.