What is Stonewalling?
Asked by: Madge Feest III | Last update: February 9, 2026Score: 5/5 (46 votes)
Stonewalling is a communication tactic where someone emotionally withdraws and shuts down during conflict, refusing to engage or cooperate by giving the silent treatment, avoiding eye contact, changing the subject, or physically leaving, often as a defense mechanism to avoid feeling overwhelmed, but it creates distance and prevents resolution. It manifests as non-verbal cues like blank stares or verbal tactics like one-word answers, creating a wall in the relationship and damaging intimacy and trust.
What is stonewalling in a relationship?
Stonewalling is a refusal to communicate or cooperate. Stonewalling occurs when the listener withdraws from the interaction, shuts down, and simply stops responding to their partner.
What type of person uses stonewalling?
People who stonewall often have difficulty with emotional regulation, insecure attachment styles (especially avoidant), or a history of trauma, using it as a defense mechanism to avoid feeling overwhelmed, criticized, or flooded by conflict. While it can be a manipulative tactic, it's often an automatic shutdown when someone feels attacked, scared, or unable to express feelings, with men more commonly exhibiting this behavior in relationships.
What is the root cause of stonewalling?
Physiological overwhelm: Stonewalling often occurs when an individual feels “flooded” or overwhelmed by emotions during a conflict; their bodies enter a state of fight-or-flight and this physiological response can trigger a shutdown as a self-protective mechanism.
Is stonewalling manipulative?
Yes, stonewalling is a form of manipulation, especially when done intentionally to control, punish, or devalue someone, but it can also stem from a person's inability to cope with emotions, making the key difference the intent behind the silence; however, regardless of intent, it's damaging and can be a significant aspect of emotional abuse or narcissism. When used deliberately, it's a tactic to gain power by shutting down communication, making the other person feel helpless and alone.
Stonewalling Meaning | Explaining The Silent Treatment In Relationships
How to tell if you're being stonewalled?
When someone is stonewalling, they are choosing not to engage in a discussion. They may avoid eye contact, act too busy to talk to you, give you the silent treatment, refuse to discuss their emotions, shut down, or leave the conversation entirely, without any effort to circle back once they've gathered their thoughts.
What is the number one narcissist trait?
The number one trait of a narcissist is a grandiose sense of self-importance, marked by an inflated view of their achievements, a belief they are superior, and constant exaggeration, forming the foundation for other behaviors like needing excessive admiration and feeling entitled to special treatment. This core trait drives their preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, or beauty, and their need to be seen as unique or "special".
How to respond when someone stonewalls you?
Here Are Some Alternative Responses When My Partner Stonewalls Me
- Empathy Goes a Long Way. ...
- Be Open and Available to Talk. ...
- Connect with One Another. ...
- Communication, Communication, Communication. ...
- Try to Avoid Going Toe to Toe. ...
- Focus on Your Self-Care. ...
- Pardon Your Partner. ...
- Stress Management.
What is the 3 6 9 rule in relationships?
The 3-6-9 rule is a relationship guideline suggesting three stages in the first year: the first 3 months are the "honeymoon" phase (infatuation); months 3-6 involve growing conflict as flaws appear; and months 6-9 are the "decision-making" stage where couples face real issues, with successful navigation leading to stability, while also advising to delay major commitments like sex or moving in until at least 3, 6, or 9 months to let love chemicals settle and see the real person.
What are the four signs a relationship is failing?
Four major signs of a failing relationship, identified by experts like Dr. John Gottman, are the "Four Horsemen": Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling (the silent treatment), which signal deep breakdowns in communication and respect; other indicators include emotional distance, lack of intimacy, constant conflict, broken promises, and no shared future vision.
What is the 7 7 7 rule in marriage?
The 777 rule for marriage is a relationship strategy to keep romance alive by scheduling consistent quality time: a date every 7 days, a night away every 7 weeks, and a longer holiday every 7 months, ensuring regular reconnection and preventing drifting apart through intentional presence and fun. It's a framework for prioritizing the partnership amidst daily routines, fostering stronger communication, intimacy, and fun.
What is the body language of a stonewaller?
The stonewaller might appear: Flatlined: Their facial expressions remain unchanged, devoid of any emotional response to the conversation. Dismissive: They might roll their eyes, scoff, or use dismissive gestures that minimize your concerns.
What is another word for stonewalling?
Synonyms. delaying tactic obstruction procrastination. STRONG. delay hindrance interference opposition postponement temporizing.
What is the 5 5 5 rule in relationships?
The 5-5-5 method is simple, according to Clarke. When a disagreement comes up, each partner will take 5 minutes to speak while the other simply listens, and then they use the final five minutes to talk it through.
What is the personality of a stonewaller?
The “stonewaller” personality is the behavior of an individual who tends to shut down during an argument and refuses to communicate or even cooperate. This person is emotionally closed off, and at times it could be extremely hard to reach them.
What's the hardest year of marriage?
The hardest years of marriage often fall into two main periods: the early years (1-4) when the honeymoon fades and realities like finances, chores, and kids set in, and the middle years (5-10) where parenting stress, midlife issues, and deeper unresolved conflicts often peak, leading to higher dissatisfaction and divorce rates, especially around the 7th and 10th years. Key challenges include adjusting to married life, managing young children, financial stress, and communication breakdowns as partners realize their initial expectations differ from reality.
What stage do most couples break up?
Most couples break up during key transition points, often in the first few months (end of the honeymoon phase), between years 3 to 5 (the power struggle/decision point when reality sets in), and sometimes around years 7 or 15 as routine or stagnation occurs, though early breakups (months 3-5) due to incompatibility are also common as infatuation fades and real life hits.
What is 777 in dating?
Theres a rule out there called the 777 rule that offers couples a gentle, intentional way to keep their bond strong and their hearts aligned. The concept is simple yet powerful: have a date night every seven days, a weekend getaway every seven weeks, and a romantic holiday every seven months.
What is the 7 day rule in a relationship?
The "7-7-7 rule" in relationships is a guideline for maintaining connection and preventing drift, suggesting a date every 7 days, a weekend getaway every 7 weeks, and a longer vacation every 7 months, with the core idea of consistent, intentional time together to foster intimacy and fun. While not rigid, it encourages regular, scheduled check-ins—from simple weekly dates to bigger romantic trips—to keep the spark alive, manage stress, and build emotional safety, though its practicality depends on a couple's budget and lifestyle.
Should I stay with someone who stonewalls me?
No matter who's doing the stonewalling, it's never a good sign. Lower satisfaction in relationships predicts more stonewalling behaviors, and, as Gottman found, both of these relationship issues contribute to an eventual break up5, 1. Stonewalling often arises during an intense conflict.
What is the power of silence when someone hurts you?
The power of silence when someone hurts you lies in reclaiming your control, preventing escalation, and forcing the other person to reflect, but it differs from the damaging "silent treatment" (which is manipulative); true silence offers space to process, sets boundaries, and shifts focus from reacting to your own growth and inner peace, allowing you to rise above the negativity without getting pulled into their drama.
How to spot a narcissist in 5 minutes?
An overt, grandiose narcissist speaks quickly and constantly. Having been softened by the narcissist's bright energy and intense focus on you, you feel obliged to listen. Before you know it, you find yourself dragged along on a meandering conversation, unsure exactly how you ended up on this endless river of words.
What are common narcissistic phrases?
Common narcissistic phrases often involve gaslighting, blame-shifting, invalidating feelings, and self-aggrandizement, such as "You're too sensitive," "That never happened," "It's your fault I'm upset," "You're lucky to have me," or "If you really loved me, you'd..." designed to control, manipulate, and maintain a sense of superiority.
What can be mistaken for narcissism?
Narcissistic traits can be mistaken for other conditions like Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Complex PTSD (CPTSD), Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD), Autism/Asperger's, ADHD, and even depression, often due to overlapping symptoms like attention-seeking, lack of empathy, or difficulty with relationships, but true NPD involves a pervasive pattern of grandiosity and entitlement, whereas other issues stem from different core vulnerabilities like trauma, low self-worth, or social processing differences.