What questions will a divorce lawyer ask me?
Asked by: Kieran Kunde | Last update: February 11, 2026Score: 4.2/5 (58 votes)
A divorce lawyer will ask about your reasons for divorce, marital history, children, finances (income, assets, debts, properties, retirement), living situation, and any history of abuse or addiction to understand your goals, assess the case, and strateg focus on child custody, asset division, support (alimony/child support), and potential complexities like family businesses or prenuptial agreements,. They'll ask about your key concerns, your spouse's situation, and the current status of separation, as well as if there's a prenuptial agreement or any domestic violence.
What questions should I ask when meeting with a divorce lawyer?
- How long have you been practicing family law?
- What is your experience with divorce cases?
- What kind of strategy do you employ when representing clients in divorce cases?
- How often do you go to court?
- How do you handle child custody and spousal support issues?
- What is your fee structure?
- Do you offer payment plans?
What is the biggest mistake during a divorce?
The biggest mistake during a divorce often involves letting emotions drive decisions, leading to poor financial choices, using children as weapons, failing to plan for the future, or getting bogged down in petty fights that escalate costs and conflict, ultimately hurting all parties involved, especially the kids. Key errors include not getting legal/financial advice, fighting over small assets, exaggerating claims, and neglecting your own well-being.
What money can't be touched in a divorce?
Money that can't be touched in a divorce is typically separate property, including assets owned before marriage, inheritances, and gifts, but it must be kept separate from marital funds to avoid becoming divisible; commingling (mixing) these funds with joint accounts, or using inheritance to pay marital debt, can make them vulnerable to division. Prenuptial agreements or clear documentation are key to protecting these untouchable assets, as courts generally divide marital property acquired during the marriage.
What not to say in divorce court?
In divorce court, avoid lying, making personal attacks, using "you always/never" language, badmouthing your spouse or the judge, making threats, exaggerating, bringing up irrelevant past issues, posting on social media, or being overly emotional/hostile; instead, stay calm, stick to documented facts, use "I feel" statements, and let your attorney guide you to maintain credibility and focus on the child's best interests (if applicable).
QUESTIONS TO ASK A DIVORCE ATTORNEY AT FIRST MEETING
What is the 10-10-10 rule for divorce?
The "10/10 Rule" in military divorce determines if a former spouse receives direct payments from the military pension, requiring at least 10 years of marriage that overlap with 10 years of the service member's creditable military service. If this rule is met, the Defense Finance and Accounting Service (DFAS) sends the court-ordered portion directly to the ex-spouse; if not, the service member pays the ex-spouse directly, though the court can still award a share of the pension. This rule affects how payments are made, not the eligibility for pension division itself, which is decided by state law.
What is the hardest thing to prove in court?
The hardest things to prove in court involve intent, causation (especially in medical cases where multiple factors exist), proving insanity, and overcoming the lack of physical evidence or uncooperative victims, often seen in sexual assault or domestic violence cases. Proving another person's mental state or linking a specific harm directly to negligence, rather than underlying conditions, requires strong expert testimony and overcoming common doubts.
Who loses more financially in a divorce?
Statistically, women generally lose more financially in a divorce, experiencing sharper drops in household income, higher poverty risk, and increased struggles with housing and childcare, often due to historical gender pay gaps and taking on more childcare roles; however, the financially dependent spouse (often the lower-earning partner) bears the biggest burden, regardless of gender, facing challenges rebuilding independence after career breaks, while men also see a significant drop in living standards, but usually recover better.
Why is moving out the biggest mistake in a divorce?
Moving out during a divorce is often called a mistake because it can harm your financial standing (paying two households), weaken your position in child custody (appearing less involved), and complicate asset division by creating an "abandonment" perception, making courts favor the spouse who stayed, though it's not always a mistake, especially in cases of domestic violence where safety is paramount. Staying in the home, even in separate rooms, preserves the status quo, keeps you present for kids, and maintains your connection to the property until formal agreements are made.
How to not get screwed in a divorce?
To avoid getting "screwed" in a divorce, focus on financial preparedness, legal counsel, and strategic negotiation; gather all financial documents, understand your assets and debts, hire an experienced lawyer or mediator, prioritize protecting your future, don't use children as pawns, and avoid emotional decisions by staying calm and documenting everything in writing. A prenuptial or postnuptial agreement offers the best long-term protection, but if you're already divorcing, professional advice is crucial for a fair outcome.
What are the 3 C's of divorce?
The "3 Cs of Divorce" generally refer to Communication, Cooperation, and Compromise, principles that help divorcing couples, especially those with children, navigate the process more smoothly by focusing on respectful dialogue, working together for shared goals (like children's welfare), and making concessions for equitable outcomes, reducing conflict and costs. Some variations substitute Custody or Civility for one of the Cs, emphasizing child-focused decisions or maintaining politeness.
What not to do before a divorce?
If you are still married to your spouse, refrain from becoming romantically involved with anyone until your divorce is final. Your spouse may use your new relationship against you in the divorce process.
What is the 7 7 7 rule for couples?
The 7-7-7 rule for couples is a relationship guideline suggesting they schedule consistent, quality time together: a date night every 7 days, a weekend getaway every 7 weeks, and a longer, romantic vacation every 7 months, designed to maintain connection, prevent drifting apart, and reduce burnout by fostering regular intentionality and fun. While some find the schedule ambitious or costly, experts agree the principle of regular, dedicated connection is vital, encouraging couples to adapt the frequency to fit their lives.
What should a wife ask for in a divorce settlement?
Considerations to Make About What to Ask for in a Divorce Settlement. In a divorce settlement, the four main issues to resolve are domestic support obligations, property division, apportionment of marital debt, and custody.
What is the hardest question to ask a lawyer?
The hardest questions for a lawyer aren't about legal facts, but about deeply personal situations, like "How can I protect my children from abusive relatives if something happens to me?" or asking for a brutally honest "What is the likely worst-case outcome for my case, and what are my real chances of winning?", pushing beyond generic advice to uncover hidden challenges, their true battlefield experience, and if they're just sugarcoating the difficult realities of your specific legal problem.
How to win in a divorce settlement?
Below are five tips you should follow to win your case if you're going through a divorce.
- Hire a Lawyer. You might not realize the profound effect a divorce will have on your life and future. ...
- Create a List of Your Assets. ...
- Remain in the Marital Home. ...
- Avoid Digital Communication. ...
- Be Respectful of Your Spouse. ...
- Contact Us.
What are the four behaviors that cause 90% of all divorces?
The four behaviors that predict divorce with over 90% certainty, known as the "Four Horsemen," are Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling, identified by relationship researcher John Gottman; these toxic communication patterns erode a marriage by destroying trust and connection, with contempt being the most damaging.
How should a woman prepare for a divorce financially?
How Do I Financially Prepare to Leave My Spouse?
- Gather Financial Documentation. ...
- Consider Shared Debts and Liabilities. ...
- Consider Joint Assets and Their Implications. ...
- Consider How You'll Adjust to a Single Income. ...
- Estimate Short-Term Living Expenses Post-Separation. ...
- Plan for Long-term Ongoing Expenses.
Who regrets most after divorce?
While surveys vary, some suggest men regret divorce more, but regret is common for both genders, often tied to who initiated it, financial strain (especially for women), or failing to try harder in the marriage; the person who ended the marriage often experiences regret, regardless of gender, feeling they should have done more to save it. Key factors influencing regret include financial impact (often harder on women), the specific reasons for divorce (e.g., infidelity vs. incompatibility), and the level of personal adaptation post-divorce.
What assets are untouchable in divorce?
Assets generally not split in a divorce are separate property, including assets owned before marriage, inheritances, personal gifts, and certain personal injury settlements, provided they are kept separate from marital funds (not commingled). However, these can become divisible if mixed with marital assets (like putting inheritance into a joint account) or if marital funds are used to improve them, requiring careful documentation to maintain their protected status.
What not to do during separation?
When separated, you should not rush big decisions, badmouth your spouse (especially to kids or on social media), involve children in the conflict, move out of the family home without cause, make financial promises without legal advice, or let emotions dictate impulsive actions like excessive spending or dating too soon, focusing instead on maintaining civility and protecting finances and children.
What is the #1 cause of divorce?
The number one reason for divorce is consistently cited as lack of commitment, often leading to infidelity, growing apart, and frequent conflict/arguing, with financial problems, poor communication, and addiction also being major factors that erode the foundation of a marriage.
Can screenshots of messages be used as evidence?
Yes, screenshots of messages can be used as evidence, but they are often considered weak or unreliable on their own because they can be easily edited, cropped, or taken out of context, making them difficult to authenticate; courts prefer original messages with complete metadata (dates, times, sender info) and often require extra proof, like testimony or forensic analysis, to confirm they are genuine.
What are the three burdens of proof?
The three main burdens (or standards) of proof in law, from lowest to highest, are Preponderance of the Evidence, required for most civil cases (more likely than not); Clear and Convincing Evidence, used in certain civil matters needing higher certainty; and Beyond a Reasonable Doubt, the strict standard for criminal convictions, meaning near-certainty of guilt.
How to look more innocent in court?
Individuals should stick with darker, more serious colors and avoid bright colors, intricate patterns, or any non-traditional fashion choices. While women and men may wear different clothing, both genders should conceal any visible tattoos and wear their hair in a trimmed, combed or styled fashion with a natural color.